If you’ve been reading this blog for long enough you’ll be well versed on how well my plans go to … well, plan.
More often than not, they are thwarted by an incident, obscure or otherwise, that results in things going somewhat awry.
The ironic aspect of this regularly occuring plan-destroying behaviour that goes on around me is that I am considered what one would consider a Control Freak. Yes, yes I am … yet I have developed the remarkable ability to go with the flow, mostly, when things go to shit.
Sometimes it’s a pain in the arse, other times it works out for the best.
Sometimes, things to to so much shit that I am rendered Under The Doona loving for a period of time. There have been times when getting up each day has been such an effort that I wonder how I manage to be vertical under the weight of everything.
As many who have experienced Depression and/or Anxiety will know that these moments cna be quite debilitating. They feel like disasters, although relatively speaking, they are considerably removed from the real definition of disaster. The more emotional the fucking of the plan, or the more emotional the attachment to it, the harder it is to overcome.
It’s not that you even have to have a mental illness, or partiuar personality trait for some things to be so hugely overwhelming, just that some traits seem to be common amongst those who find it hard to face the same situations or circumstances again.
From the outside, it’s easy to see how disasterous it isn’t, and unfathomable that it is getting to the person so much.
It is where comments like “suck it up” or “get over it” are most used. I’m not a fan of these terms being used, and sometimes feel it is a complete dismissal of what the person is dealing with.
On the other hand, sometimes it’s that sort of tough love that is required.
I’ve seen so many people thrive on the well wishes and sympathy that they have created a lovely little mud puddle of tea and sympathy which they wallow in reguarly, if not constantly. Anyone throwing them a lifeline to remove themselves from this murky place is deemed a bitch/arsehole and they “don’t understand”.
I don’t like to see people in those places either. It makes me sad. Also, they use their mental illness or bad experience as an excuse, and to get out of doing stuff, and this has the effect of diluting the understanding the general population has about these sorts of issues. It’s not good for anyone.
And really, you do need to suck it up sometimes. To extract yourself from the safety of your bed, put your big girl knickers on, down a can of concrete and go out and face the world.
The downfall when we do this sucking, big girl knicker putting on, concrete drinking (to “harden up” for those unfamiliar with the term) is we tend to build an expectation as to how things will go when we face whatever it is we’ve been avoiding facing.
Sometimes, we think the worst. We conjur up the most undesirable possible scenario and decide that that’s how things will play out. We shoot ourselves in the foot before we even try, and thinking this means you behave as though this is how it will go. We appear defensive or obsctructive. It’s not helpful.
Or, we “think positive” and have a plan for how the experience, or the day, or the week will go.
Although how we behave, and react to certain things is well within our control, the actions of others, the weather, the world, are not …
It’s our expectation, our perception we hold that all will go well because we got over “it” (whatever “it” is for you) that can lead us down the unplanned path. It leaves us vulnerable to things going wrong, and provides support for any story we’ve told ourselves about who we are, our self worth, and what others think of us.
An expectation held fast can fuel Depression and Anxiety, too.
Just because we built the bridge and got over it, that we hardened up, sucked it up, and put our big girl knickers on does not mean we have any more control over all the things than previously.
It does not mean things will go according to plan.
It does not mean all the things will be well.
It does mean that, despite all the potentional for all the things to escape your grip, run astray, or end in disaster, you got up and faced your fears anyway.