I have been pondering this blog for a long time, out of my sheer neglect of it. It – Diary – has been on my mind a lot. Daily. It has, over many years, been my saviour, an outlet for the things on my mind, and for my love of writing.
I know for some of you, over the years, it has been of some sort of benefit or other, too. I know this because you’ve told me. I appreciate you doing so.
Where I’ve found myself the last few months, other than “very busy” (and you know my thoughts on that) thinking about how Diary Of A Mad Cow started … and who I was when I was motivated to release it into the wild.
Reading over the About Me section on this blog, which has undergone a multitude of renovations, I am reminded how much I have done in the last, I think about 13 years – yeah, I was blogging before blogging was cool.
In fact, I was blogging before blogging platforms, like WordPress and Blogger and whatever else were even heard of in Australia. I’ve seen the changes that have gone on there, too … the technology and options and SO MANY THEMES now available, and the plugins, and the plethora of “How to blog” ebooks and courses and the like, followed by conferences and online arguments about the right and wrong way to do things … so much stuff.
Anyhoo, where was I? Oh, yes. Reading over the latest iteration of my About Me page, I am reminded of how much I’ve done, and how much I’ve done since that edit was done, and thinking I probably need to update.
What hit me most as I read it, though, was how I’m hanging on to the reasons I started it. How I so desperately want that to continue to be the guide for all that I write on here. Which is a bit odd, cos I haven’t always stuck to that guide … but then I do feel a bit like I’ve gone outside The Rules and feel a bit off, and then I spiral into a bit of confusion about who I am and what the hell I’m doing.
(That’s aside from my usual, daily Who Am I And What The Hell Am I Doing, and Does Anyone Know Where I Left My Pants/Coffee/Mind.)
From the current page – which may or may not stay, I haven’t decided yet – is this:
Diary of a Mad Cow is the name of my personal blog, which I have used – and still do – to remind myself to see the funny side of life with three boys, and to prevent me from the slippery slide into depression. Again.
Although never really my conscious intention, Diary has also served to show other people they’re not alone in all the fun that is parenting, how to look at things from entirely different perspectives, and to laugh at their own misfortunes … or, at the very least, the misfortunes of others, which is always way more funny.
Thus, my motto: Laugh, cry, relate …
I think that’s the overall gist of it, but I also know there is way more to me than that, and way, way more I can offer than that.
The hard bit is getting out of the But This Is The Way It Was Meant To Be, and taking all the things I have learnt, experienced, and seen a great, great need for and embracing all of that.
Then doing something about it.
It’s a, ah, fascinating transition, and one that my mind – you know the bit that hates change? – is putting up great resistance to.
That’s always a far more frustrating and difficult thing than getting your kids to put their shoes on in the morning, and to Hurry Up. And we all know how revolting that experience is.
At the end of the day, this is my space, my outlet, and I can do what I want with it. I don’t actually need to Follow The Blogging Rules and whatever the hell else I’m “supposed” to be doing.
Yes, yes … I’m trying to convince myself, not anyone else 🙂
The result, I know, is going to appear to be a mish mash of randomness, but in reality is going to be profound wisdom from the depths of my mind (may have taken advantage of artistic licence with the wording of that last section) which serves to:
a) Provide me with the outlet I need (and that was, originally, the main purpose of this space)
b) Provide you with a sense of adequacy, inclusion, and normality (as a bonus side effect of point a)
When I started it, I was the mother of a pre-schooler and a toddler, running an online support forum for stressed out mums, assisting my husband with his businesses), undertaking a university degree, and managing severe depression.
So much has changed, as it tends to do, and I am now the mother of two teenagers and one tweenager, working full time for a large corporate, while my beloved works full time hours at his workplace, and my online support forum is no longer, and I am, very slowly – far more slowly than I like – am in the process of reinventing and rebuilding it.
And all the other stuff that Life throws at us and provides us opportunities for.
I still have no idea who I am or what I’m doing, and I think I’ll just go with the flow. I don’t think I’ll ever know.
And I think I’m okay with that.