My friends say I should act my age. What’s my age again? What’s my age again?”
So sings Blink 182.
For me, it’s a statement I hear a lot. Thankfully, it is not sung at me, by random strangers and people I am barely acquainted with.
These days – because I am so ancient and no longer a teenager – I no longer hear “act your age” (like I did as a teen and in my twenties), and am more likely to experience the reaction of incredulity and a rather surprised sounding “at your age?!”
“I hiked the Great Wall of China.”
“At your age?!”
“I’m off to taekwondo training/grading/”
“At your age?!”
“I’ve got my son’s highschool graduation tonight.”
“Muuuum. Oh my god! Get off the stage. You’re so embarrassing. You’re too old! Go away!”
Look … I guess I could act my age. Thing is, I’ve never been this age before, so I’m not really sure what acting my age looks like.
Also, I don’t wanna and you can’t make me!
Although I do experience the surprised query of “at your age” as often as I do from people who don’t know me, I also get just as much “how are you so flexible” and “how do you keep yourself in shape” and “OMG how do you do that” from people I encounter a little more often.
I can do “that” – handstands, cartwheels, climb rocks and trees, hang upside-down on the monkey bars et cetera – because I never really stopped. I never stopped doing the things I find fun.
I simply added a few things to the repertoire. Thinks like hiking and martial arts.
The rest, I was doing at three and continued to do so. Some would argue that I am still three.
I would be mostly unlikely to argue with them – except for fun.
Thus, it was of great concern and I was most taken aback, as I’m sure you’ll appreciate, when I found the words “I think I’ll just potter in the garden this morning” came out of my mouth.
I looked around to see how had uttered them.
Where had they come from?
Who was this person saying these things?
How had the been uttered by … *gulp* … me?
More disconcerting was the fact that, only moments later, I found myself on my hands and knees, only my relatively new lawn, trimming the edges with a pair of gardening scissors.
Like and old Italian man.
What. The. Actual … *sob*
How … when … had this occurred. Indeed I had recently celebrated the anniversary of my birth, but it wasn’t like it was a particularly important age birthday or anything. I’ll accept Changes on significant birthdays, those that end in a 0 or a 5, but this is just not on.
I can only be grateful that I don’t know the correct name for “garden scissors” – lalalalalala, shut up, don’t tell me, I don’t care and I don’t want to know!
Another fun-filled activity as one ages is the propensity to experience a bit of bladder leakage from time to time. Like when one sneezes or coughs hard. Or has a bit too much to drink and vomits quite violently. Or dances a little bit too exuberantly on the dance floor at their kid’s high school graduation.
Or laughs loudly and forcefully at the bladder-inadequacies of their similarly-aged family and friends.
This, however … this was not the result of exuberant gardening and lawn-trimming-with-garden-scissors.
It is the result of an aged hose that is also experiencing a bit of leakage. So weak is the seal that the hose popped right off and left me in a compromising predicament that had me defending the age of my body and its abilities to keep things where they’re meant to be.
It is so!
Shut up. It takes one to know one. I did not wet my pants.
Now tell me … what words have you uttered of late that have taken you by complete surprise … is your mouth defying your youth?