I bet you were hoping this was a blog post about birthday cakes that have gone wrong and how I could show you tips and tricks on how you could easily rectify these problems.
Or point and laugh at someone else’s misfortunes.
Or even a gallery of cakes made by those with a mental disorder that would produce an eclectic collection if interesting dessert fare.
Sadly, no. It is, instead, a stern warning.
Are you aware of just how many germs a birthday cake has?
Do you know how many more they inherit when someone blows out the candles on the aforementioned cake?!
I bet you didn’t. And, as a result, you are probably putting your child at risk of dying!
Or not. In fact, a quick poll I did this morning indicated that no one had ever heard of a child dying, being hospitalised due to serious illness, or even become a little sick as the result of eating a slice of birthday cake. Not even a cake that wasn’t theirs, but was made for another child, presumably the birthday child, who then blew out the candles on that cake!
It is, however, such a serious issue – these children not getting sick or dying due to the blowing out of candles on a ‘communal’ cake (I like to call this ‘family and friends who are enjoying the celebration’) – that the NHMRC (National Health and Medical Research Guidelines) have felt the need to invest time and resources into developing guidelines that recommend this kind of activity is stopped, forthwith!
Well, thank goodness someone has finally stepped up and done something about this horror that is rampant in our childcare centres!
Of course, there are other guidelines to be implemented, because staff have nothing better to do with their time and are paid sufficiently for their experience, training and duties. Yes, they are also required to disinfect door knobs, wash toys daily (or more) and ensure the tots in their care not just wash their hands with soap and water (hopefully not tap water!!?? Oh, my lordy!) but with an “alcohol sanitiser” before and after playing in the sandpit.
(Just quietly, if these guidelines are implemented, I can see a heap of childcare workers resorting to drinking the sanitiser … just saying.)
If I may stop being so facetious for a moment or two, I am actually concerned about this.
Firstly, I’m not sure who the driving force is behind this ludicrousness, but I hold grave concerns for the future of our society if these people are not only speaking their thoughts out loud, but are actually listened to and taken seriously.
I’m already concerned re the levels of fear our society holds on all kinds of things. We are protecting our kids from things from rarities like peadophiles and being abducted (which is a good thing, for the record) but to the point where we’re too scared to let our kids be kids.
Playgrounds have gone beyond rubber flooring, beyond ensuring kids don’t seriously hurt themselves when they fall and into a realm where kids can’t actually fall! Monkey bars have been lowered so kids a ‘protected’, but kids don’t actually learn any useful skills or build up strength … or fall, because their feet touch the ground.
Have we, as a society, got to the point that we’ve freaked parents out enough that they see the purchase of baby wipe warmers as “being a good mother” and being so cautious about our kids that we’ve covered all there is to cover; starting from the rare, albeit really horrible (rapes, abductions etc), to the less serious but just as occasional that we’re now inventing shit to be worried about?
What’s concerning is that this ‘idea’ not only protects children from something that is not a problem in the first place, but is likely to lead to all kinds of problems later in life; from increased risk of infection and significantly reduced ability for the body to fight it, to taking up beds and resources in the hospital and public health system for something that is not a problem.
I don’t even want to think about what new and imaginative mental disorders, which I imagine would be a little like OCD with a dose of OCD (perhaps HOHCD – Hyper-Obsessive Hyper-Complusive Disorder) that are not biological or physiological in nature, but have a more environmental and situational basis. Something that a significant amount of psychotherapy (and additional unncessary burden to our health system) might be able to address.
Here is something we should fear … when our kids grow up, I worry about intimate relationships because their peers will be so freaked out by germs that all kinds of dramas will be caused. That kissing will become a thing of the past, because do you have any idea how many germs a mouth holds? Yeah, the minutest number wind up on a birthday cake when someone snuffs the candle, but kissing? Euwwww!
As for sex … well … euwwwy EUWWW! That’ll just stop entirely and then where will babies come from? Hmmm?
Yes, a birthday cake at a childcare centre has the propensity to wipe out the entire human race! And here you were thinking it was safe!
Fine .. fine. that last comment was a little over the top and highly exaggerated …. but so is banning a fucking birthday cake at childcare!
Here’s a cake I whipped up earlier. It has trash on it, and some of them are oozing. No one died or got sick in the making, blowing out of candles, or the consumption of this cake.