Up very early to prepare for my appearance on Sunrise this morning.
I must not only be lucid, but also look like I know what I’m talking about, without appearing all sanctimious. I must appeal to the people.
And arrive without being covered in porridge, Vegemite and/or snot, which I think is going to be my biggest challenge.
Give I need to leave early, I’m fairly sure I can escape the porridge and Vegemite thing. Even yogurt. The Grumpy One feeds Chippie most mornings anyway, and I’ll get him to do the school lunches so Ican get organised.
Showered, hair and makeup done, new jeans donned, top located and I’m just about ready.
Chippie, who now has a steady stream of snot eminating from his left nostril, has been released from the confines of his high chair, decides that today (probably because I’m about to leave) he loves me the most, cries and comes towards me all teary, snotty and yogurt covered.
I perform that difficult operation of simultaneously turning and lifting small child so has to avoid snot and/or yogurt on any part of clothing or body, prevent makeup smudging and hair porridging.
I fare them all well, hop in the car and off I go. Locate a park, and discover that my new jeans did, in fact, not escape a good Snotting, remove it as best I can with Mum Spit (removes anything, and will also tame frizzy hair by licking the palm of your hand and wiping it on curly headed son’s head) and thank goodness I’m seated at a news desk for when I am on camera.
Consider removing pants, as am sure is completely acceptable when sitting at a news desk, what with being concerned about knowing I have Toddler Snot on my pants and worried about discussing the pros of controlled crying and blurting out “I have Toddler Snot on my pants!”
Restrain self by calming chant as I await to go on air “Don’t mention the Toddler Snot, don’t mention the Toddler Snot…”