Since my last post on the frequently asked questions about my Great (in)SANE Inspired Adventure, I’ve had a couple more. So I figured I’d get in a quick one before I go.
How long will you be/are you gone for?
Ten days all up. That’s including 2 days of flights, five (consecutive) days of trekking, and two-and-a-half days of hanging around Beijing and doing stuff.
Oh, great question! I almost forgot to get back to you on that. I ended up doing some more research on the good ol’ FUD and went with the Whiz Freedom. Mostly because that’s all my local Anaconda had in stock.
Also, you want to whip a purple appendage out of your pants when you need a wee. Penis envy, I reckon. I’ve been practicing with it a bit, as highly recommended. I thought I’d have a greater understanding of how and why pee gets all over the seat, and was relishing the thought of years of payback for my three boys. Alas, I am at more of a loss as to how it happens.
Seriously, it’s not that hard to get it in the bowl. Not only that, mine’s not even attached to my body, and I have to hold it in place and aim at the same time. Perhaps it’s a multitasking thing?
This last question would have to be the most frequently asked of them all. In fact, it even made it to the last list. If I may, I’d like to address this at a much deeper level.
Screw that, it’s my blog, I’ll bloody address it as I like!
I’d also like to preface it by saying a few people have considered me “too sensitive” for letting this question bother me; firstly, it doesn’t bother me, per se. What bothers me is the culture around it, and how it has left other mums feeling, and the impact that has on their lives.
Some suggest that perhaps people aren’t being serious. I wish I could agree – and yes, some are, but I know when they’re being shit-stirrers. Sadly, it is asked with too much anquish and too much seriousness to not be concering.
Most people say “Are you kidding me? People actually ask you that?” … no, I’m not kidding, and I wish I were kidding, and yes, people ask me that, twitching, cringing, and telling me “I would never do that” …
Don’t you feel guilty?
(There are some variations of this, some adding “about leaving/abandoning” my children etc etc)
No. No I don’t feel guilty. And to be honest, I really don’t understand what there is to feel guilty about. My question back to you is just that … what is there to feel guilty about?
I know some people feel really … not okay with being away from their children. I know being away from your kids can have you worrying about what will happen when you’re not there. Or worse, how you will feel, as their mother, not being there if something ‘bad’ happens.
Bad, I might add, is also subjective and relative.
But guilt is not synonymous with not caring, not worrying, and/or not loving. It’s not, as many seem to believe it is, binary.
Just because I don’t feel guilty does not mean I don’t care about/love my kids. It does not mean I am ‘neglecting’ them, ‘abandoning’ them, or ‘leaving’ them. I have every intention of returing, and no intention of packing them into a box and leaving them on the nature strip.
Not this time, anyway.
I think these terms are just a teensy, little bit … I dunno … dramatic? Catastrophising? Fucking stupid in the circumstances?
What if something happens when you’re away?
Well, I guess I’ll hear about it while I’m away, and, depending on the extent of the “something” I will deal with it as necessary. As I tend to do just about everything else in my life.
My husband – their father – is quite capable and responsible (I use the term loosely), and most importantly, I believe, I trust him.
I’m really sorry if you have a father-of-your-children who is genuinely incapable and irresponsible.
I’m even more sorry if the father-of-your-children is in a relationship with someone who thinks he is useless, and incompetent. That must really suck for him.
I have to ask this question back … What if something doesn’t happen when I’m away? What if I don’t go because something might happen?
The way I, personally, see this is that I can go ahead with my plans, and be excited, and go on an adventure that not only fills me with great joy, has given me something to work towards, and is doing some good stuff as well (bonus!), or I can choose not to go, just in case something bad happens, and nothing happens, and I spend the last week of school and first week of the school holidays, yelling at the kids, wanting to put my foot through the TV because I’m so frigging sick of listening to and about Pokemon, wanting to defenestrate an electronic device and/or the child that seems permanently attached to it, because he will not get off it when asked, get tired from repeating myself, having to think of ways to entertain them, and spend a good hour every morning going through the bullshit of “not wanting to go” because that’s what kids do?
So … what would you choose?
The other thing is, aside from the personal fulfillment and sense of acheivement, SANE Australia are getting something out of it. I’ve, personally raised over $5,500 for SANE, which equates to around 100 crisis / suicide helpline calls being made.
Which equates to around 100 people haivng access to a service they need when they are intent on ending their lives. Which means there are potentially 100 people who don’t end their lives.
I mean, on one hand, in the grand scheme of things, 100 is a bit of a dismal number, but on the other hand, that’s 100 people who have an increased risk of survival … not to mention the families, friends, and loved ones of those people who get to ‘keep’ the person they love.
Personally, I think that’s pretty cool that I could be part of that.
I could never do that!
‘k, I get that’s not an actual question, but it’s an inevitable follow on from all the previous questions.
No one is forcing you to. No one is making you or even suggesting you have to. You don’t have to do it. It’s perfectly okay not to.
You know what?
I couldn’t do a lot of the things lots of other people do.
I couldn’t sit on my arse for hours upon hours every weekend whatching Netflix.
Well, technically, I could. I’m just as capable of that as you are of flying to a different country to embark on a physical venture and not feel guilty … or a whole bunch of other things that you “could never do”.
I just could think of nothing more boring, more pointless, or unexciting … for me.
If it’s your thing, then go for it. I don’t particularly care one way or another. All I know is I also don’t care if you do this same thing I’m doing or not, and there’s certainly no one forcing you to do it.
Suggesting that it is a ‘bad’ or ‘horrible’ (again with the catastrophising! sheesh!) thing to do, because you could never do this, is pretty uncool. It is suggesting … not to me, but to every single person you say these things to … that they must do what you do … even if it is batshit boring, unsatisfying, and unfulfilling to that person.
And I still don’t feel bad or guilty … I still don’t understand the need to, or why there is a reason I should be. Do you?