I wrote a blog post over at my Real Mums Blog, alluding to one of the dangers of parenting that we are rarely, if ever spoken about. This is the story pre-and-post that particular event.
It all started with this:
It commenced around mid last year, when Monkey Boy discovered Horrible Histories and I was hanging around (cooking dinner or drinking vodka or something) when this song came on. I spent the next half hour or so in discussion with Monkey Boy about why this particular actor was used for this particular song.
For me, it was easy; the absolute contrast between the atrocities performed by the aforementioned Incan Lord, Patchacuti, albeit done in song, and the absolute cuteness of the smile and dimples of this particular actor.
Unfortunately (or fortunately?) Monkey Boy’s line of questioning forced me to take not of the aforementioned cuteness of smile, and, over a number of weeks (about .3) I was smitten.
Horrible Histories became a part of our regular evening television viewing and kept all three offspring (even the littlest one) suitably entertained for a good portion of the evening. I could get things done and get a little piece. AND it’s educational!
It was a win-win really.
Monkey Boy then requested the Horrible Histories DVD box set for his birthday, then Christmas when his birthday proved to be somewhat disappointing in the HH respect. I thought nothing of it; given he has limited-yet-near-obsessive requests, there wasn’t much else on the list for Santa to deliver on.
The HH box set it was.
I wasn’t to know that, as a family/household, we’d be subject to persistent and unrelenting viewing of HH. It went well beyond “HH marathon” and into the realms of Insanity.
In what can only be described as something akin to Stockholm Syndrome (defined as: a psychological phenomenon in which hostages express empathy, sympathy and have positive feelings towards their captors, sometimes to the point of defending them. These feelings are generally considered irrational in light of the danger or risk endured by the victims, who essentially mistake a lack of abuse from their captors for an act of kindness – thank you Wikipedia) I became deeply attracted to this actor .. referred to until this point as “The Guy With the Cute Smile”.
Monkey Boy, sensing my like for him, Googled him and discovered him to be actor Mathew Baynton (which also happens to be one of my most favourite names in the world, even if it is spelt incorrectly).
Usually a somewhat private person, and having an intense dislike of sharing such intimate details of the workings of my mind, I was a little reluctant to share this information so candidly. However, after a … *ahem* … dream after two days HH free, and feeling as though something were missing in my life, I had to speak up about it.
One reason I’m a little reluctant to divulge such sensitive information is not that I know some won’t share my attraction to the cuteness of smile and dimples, but that he was born only a few years before I developed what were to become considerably large breasts.
A few years before we were wearing flouro leggings and Relax t-shirts with fingerless gloves, admittedly, but still, I feel a little “wrong” given I have almost a decade on him.
(This despite my actually feeling he has a decade on me … but still.)
Anyhoo, I needed help.
My friends, supportive, loving and caring, came out in full support of me and my new-found lust. They got it. And I know I can rely on them to help me through anything …
(And I’ll just keep a hold of this image for … um … you know, just in case … something.)
I am now in an extremely uncomfortable and unpredictable situation. You see, during discussions last night over on my personal profile on Facebook, my twelve-year-old and fan of HH, got wind of a discussion about Mat Baynton … right after I snorted rather loud with laughter at the unconditional “support” of my friends.
Not only did he want to know details of the discussion, I am unable to look him in the eye when speaking about HH, particularly after what we shall refer to as The Dream.
Worse still … and I’m not sure how to handle this without getting into discussions I don’t want to have … he still refers to the deliciousness of Mat Baynton as The Guy With The Cute Smile.
It just feels so wrong …