So … there I was, checking my emails, the three-year-old having his stock standard naked breakfast (Porridge in the Nude) after a small dose of some of his also stock standard fucking with my mind, a la “I wan’ porridge! No, not dat one – I wan’ muesli!” then, just as I put the porridge away and pour muesli into his bowl, “I wan’ porridge!” and throws himself to the floor (naked) and screaming!
I walked away.
I glance at an email that says something like “the Terrific Twos and Triumphant Threes” or some such equally fluffy, sweep reality under the carpet, sickly sweetness that made me want to vomit, laugh and punch the screen all at the same time.
Not good timing, as the “Triumphant Three” in my own household was now dragging on my arm, demanding marshmallows and screaming when I tried to remove porridge from his penis.
Later this week, there was a new article, “Is 3 the new 2?” I didn’t read it, because I’d had an afternoon of my three-year-old mindfucking me again.
He’s doing what his now eleven-and-a-half-year-old brother used to do at the same age; “I want, no I don’t, yes I do, no I don’t” until I self combusted or said “meh” and walked away.
I really don’t believe that my eldest was that advanced that he was ahead of his time and that three is now the “new two”. Given we also had plenty of discussion on my forums when they started in late 2005 about how three-year-olds were little fuckers back then, I don’t think this is a new phenomena.
No, I believe that there has been no socially acceptable description for the standard behaviour of three-year-olds. Certainly not one that could be used on a majority of parenting forums, where to even allude to the fact that parenting and/or children might not be all fun and games would see you banned in an instant. The instant immediately after 10,000 other members were entitled to condemn you for suggesting such a thing and berated you for not “thinking of the children”.
After my week, The Mindfuck Threes is all I could come up with.
I’m open to other suggestions.
And, really, I am all for ‘positive thinking’, and using terms like ‘Terrific Twos’ is exactly what some people need to cope with the stock standard, totally normal development of two (and three etc) year olds. They have been called “terrible” for a reason.
For others, however, I think this runs a serious risk of, yet again, sugar coating the reality of what life with a two or three year old is like (and I’ll mention eight year olds here, too, because they are shockers! Don’t say you weren’t warned!), especially when there are few books written by experts and professionals, or even those with loads of experience with children rarely, if ever, mention the completely unfathomable, illogical and downright confronting behaviour of some of them.
It is challenging like you would not believe. Made worse by the fact that mothers are also human, and have human feelings and emotions and can be worn down, or lose their temper after persistent, screaming, irrationality. No one tells you how to deal with that, because you are supposed to be “thinking of the children” and “not showing them emotion or that you have lost control”.
Also, stop being human.
Before anyone gets all “your kids are out of control” … on almost every outing in public our family takes (a lot) we are stopped at least once, to be told how well behaved and/or polite our kids are. People don’t do that shit unless your kids are.
If putting a positive spin on what you’re dealing with works for you, go for it!
But putting a positive spin on it doesn’t change the fact – as much as most of Fluffy Parenting Land would love you to believe – that kids can be right little fuckers at times. It’s also not to say that they can’t also be terrific, triumphant and even tolerable at times, either.
And I like to know exactly what it is I’m dealing with.