Dropped an apprehensive little boy off at holiday program this morning.
I’d managed to deal with most of the guilt from last week, but had another layer to deal with as Monkey Boy asked me to stay, and felt weird not knowing anyone there today.
“Can you please pick me up early today?”
I said I’d see what I could do, extracted myself some 23 minutes later and sat in the car and cried.
I felt so sad for him. I just want my little boy to feel safe and secure. And, most importantly, to feel included and have fun.
I made it home, and sat in front of my desk, feeling sad and not being able to work as well as I would have liked. I asked Grumpy to take Godzilla to the program centre and take the two boys for a swim (I still had to contend with the guilt of not doing my work – so just compromised as best I could). Besides, they’d be home in time for dinner. I’d see them all soon enough. And they’ll be fine. He’ll be fine.
Or so I convinced myself in order to be able to function for the remainder of the day.
Off Grumpy Pants and Godzilla went to do a few things before heading to the pool. A phone call came through from a school friend, so I passed on Grumpy’s mobile number so they could tee up a catch up at some point.
Mildly relieved, but still feeling relatively awful from guilt, I managed to fumble my way through my to do list. At least until I remebered that dinner needed preparing and that was enough to disctract me from guilt and work.
I commence the task and the phone rings. It’s Grumpy. Monkey Boy has organised a sleepover at his friend’s house. Right. When? Tonight.
They rush in the door, whirlwind around the house packing jarmies and blankets and dogs and vanish again. Godzilla, just before the car pulls away, puts on one of his Dramatic Acts, tears included. More whirlwind action and both my little boys are taken away from me for the evening.
But … WHAT ABOUT ME!? I want to run up the street yelling at them.
Do they have any idea of what my day has been like?!
Ah, well. We’ll just go see a movie without them then. So, ner.